


my handwriting kinda looks like my dad's

by clockworkcheetah



Category: Call of Cthulhu (Roleplaying Game), Original Work
Genre: Backstory, Canon Compliant, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24005404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcheetah/pseuds/clockworkcheetah
Summary: "Don't be like Dad, yeah?" Jesse leans in close. "Don't do what he does."
Comments: 10
Kudos: 5
Collections: Dick Hardy's Investigators Office





	my handwriting kinda looks like my dad's

**Author's Note:**

> Carmen: *jumps into a wheelchair* i have crippling depression
> 
> title comes from Goldilocks Spot by Destroy Boys (underrated band imo)

_September, 1903_

Marian could hear the voices from her room. It wasn't particularly difficult- the house was small, and the voices weren't making the effort to be that quiet. It's dark out, so she guesses that it might be past midnight now.

The voices were getting louder.

Marian, though not that tired, was getting irritable. She shifts off the bed, and creeps out of her room and down the stairs. She settles on the bottom step, like always, and waits.

Her brother, Jesse, leaves the kitchen, huffing. Despite his scowling face and clenched fists, he makes the effort to close the door quietly.

"Fuckin' prick..." He mutters to himself.

He jumps back, startled, when he sees his sister perched on the stairs.

"Marian! Don't- don't repeat what I jus' said... an' don't tell Mum I said it, either."

Marian continues to stare at him. Jesse sighs. He kneels in front of her.

"What're you doing up, Mari?"

She shrugs. "Wasn't sleepin'."

"You need to. It's Mum's birthday tomorrow, remember?"

"Are we gonna see her?"

"Yeah." Jesse takes her hand.

Marian lets herself be pulled up the stairs. She's quiet for a moment.

"Is Dad comin'?" She asks. She feels Jesse tighten his grip.

"Probably best he doesn't, Mari." Jesse says curtly.

Jesse tucks her in. Marian absently picks at the bed sheets.

"Want me to read you a story?"

She wrinkles her nose. "No."

"What's wrong then?"

Marian pauses. "Jus'... do you have to leave?"

Jesse fidgets. "Yeah, I do. I can't put my life on hold cause Dad's being a twat." 

"He isn't gettin' better." Marian says darkly.

"It's all hard right now. He's... dealin'."

"Should hurry up, then"

Jesse sighs. He sits on the edge of the bed. "I'll be back by Christmas. He'll be in better shape then, I reckon."

Marian hasn't mastered the art of eye rolling just yet. She moves her whole head. "He won't. You don't see it all. He drinks an' sleeps an' nothin' else."

"Can't be that bad- he needs to take of you. 'Specially cause Mum can't right now."

"Well, he _doesn't_."

Jesse feels out of his depth. "It'll get better, I promise."

Marian looks doubtful, but she settles into the pillow, looking tired. Jesse brushes the hair out of her face.

"Hey, Marian?" 

"Mmm?"

"Don't be like Dad, yeah?" Jesse leans in close. "Don't do what he does."

"Why would I? I hate him." She closes her eyes.

Jesse doesn't know how to respond to that. He goes to own room. 

~*~*~ 

_December, 1921_

Carmen feels twitchy at best- and like she's being eaten alive at worst. She paces around the office. Nobody else is here- she's not sure what happened to them, but they aren't her concern right now.  
She hadn't planned on seeing Jesse again. She hadn't seen him since she was sixteen, shortly after the birth of his daughter.

That was almost a decade ago.

Jesse didn't look different. Some stubble, slightly better hair, another daughter. Same everything else. Carmen thought he was dead. Apparently Jesse thought the same about her. Dead on the battlefield. Dead in a ditch.

She thinks she probably looks very different. Well, not entirely. She still sees flickers of Mum in the mirror. Same hair, same eyes. She wonders if Jesse feels the same when he looks at himself. They both took after her in looks. Jesse also took after her in other things too.

 _Of course._ Carmen muses to herself. _He's always been the perfect one._  
She reaches for her flask, ignoring the way her hand shakes. She's glad she's alone right now. They've already learnt 'Carmen' is a sham, a liar. They don't need to know she isn't unflappable, either. People take advantage.

She takes a long drink. Her hand is tingling.

She knows Jesse wants her story. What have you been doing for the past 9 years? He must've wanted to when he picked her up earlier today. A building on fire, a roughed up appearance, reeking of booze. With a kidnapped child no less.

He hadn't asked questions. But she could feel all the accusations he was making. One in particular;

_When I said 'Don't be like Dad' I didn't mean be fucking worse than him, Marian._

Carmen wants to laugh. It wasn't even funny. He's completely right, as he likes to think he is.

Carmen doesn't want to tell him anything. Maybe her pre-Dick Hardy life. Make him uncomfortable with it. Regret ever asking.

Post-Dick Hardy would be a little harder to explain. _Oh, I stabbed a dead guy who was somehow alive with a haunted knife and now my hand is cursed and burns sometimes. Or, the ground opened up and I fought a cult and monsters. And there's this guy who likes me. I'm trying to be better. I'm fucking trying._

She isn't sure what part would be believable to him. Her hand is burning. She collapses onto the couch. Takes another drink. Everything is happening too suddenly for her. She normally handles things better than this.

She gives herself a moment to collect herself. Work it out. She's not sure where to go from here. Right now she wants to get into a fight. Get beaten bloody. Get black out drunk. Prove a point, but she's not sure what that point is anymore. 

_That everyone was right- Jesse has a future._ She thinks. _Jesse gets the Happily Ever After. When is it my turn? When's someone gonna say 'Well done!'?_

Carmen sighs. She's glad nobody else is here. Let them think she doesn't want people to care about her. Don't let them know she's so, so scared right now.  
She lets out an unsteady breath. Counts to ten. She grins, a little shaky at the edges. Takes one more drink. The burning is subsiding.

"Fuckin' prick."

**Author's Note:**

> jesse really messed that up (tbf hes like 14 everyones a dumbass at that age)  
> also what 7 year old talks like that


End file.
